This probably plays 24-7 in Hell:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaDgTkqF7rY
Friday, October 31, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Double swipes, garbage trucks, police cars, and hardhats.
Do you ever notice that in convenience stores, the little credit card machine at the counter says "Please swipe card"? It should also say "Then stare at clerk helplessly, and wait for them to say 'Swipe it again. It didn't go through.'"
*****************************
The other morning I was laying in bed. It was like 5am, and the garbage man was out picking up the trash with those new crazy one-man operation robot trucks and it was just making these horrendous sounds. I realized that since I KNEW it was the garbage man, there was no reason to be alarmed. But what if you didn't know if was the garbage man? It would probably be pretty terrifying. Old people everywhere are probably saying "Jesus, Maude. The robots are finally here to kill us..." on a regular basis.
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When you're on the interstate, why do scores of cars slam on their breaks when they see a cop on the side of the road, writing someone a ticket? Seems like this is the perfect time to speed (or really break any vehicular law) since the guy is already busy with someone. I mean, really... do you think the cop is going to be like "License and registration, ma'am. Do you know how fast you were.... WOAH! NEVERMIND!"
::police man runs back to police car::
"I'm going after that guy! Besides, he looked kind of mexican..."
****************************************
As a former construction worker/current estimator/manager/myspace blog writer, I'd often run into situations where the safety guy on whatever job you're on forces you to wear a hardhat. I'm no fan, as they look kind of like you're one of those waterhead people. Plus they're unnatural, bulky, and stupid looking. I've seen some fashioned like cowboy hats, which are pretty cool. The first time I saw one, I thought about getting into the customized hardhat business. I'd probably make some look like derbys, or peter pan hats, or pirate regalia, or women's sunhats... though none of those would probably go over well. But if you're driving by a construction site in a few years and everyone on the job are wearing beret or viking helmet hardhats, please give me a call. Clearly I'm owed some compensation on some level.
Anyway, something that irks me is when I'm at LSU or near somewhere doing site (earth) work, or see someone doing maintenance and they're wearing a hardhat. I'm not talking about a construction site, where people could be dropping rivets or bolts on your head from the floor above you. I'm talking about a situation where there is clearly no reason for you to be wearing a hardhat. Perhaps you are afraid the building that you're next to, that you're repainting the doorhandle of, is going to spontaneously collapse? If that's the case, brother, we're all in trouble. Do you think that a meteorite is going to crash into your head? Are people beaning you in the skull with rocks a real problem for you?
Many many many years ago, I was working on a job at Southern University. A brand-new four story building, where yes, hardhats can probably provide some purpose. However, we'd left the job for lunch and this guy Dumas had apparantly forgot to take his off. While we were in line waiting to get our extra value meals, Sean (one of our coworkers) looked at him and said "Dumas, do you doubt the structural stability of this Burger King"? I looked at him and said "Yeah, I think we're safe here. You can probably take a few minutes off from safety land." Dumas took the hardhat off, we all had a chuckle, and enjoyed a moment of having our heads clearly available to whatever troubles may befall us.
But note to self while looking back on it: Create Safety Land. It will be a hit.
*****************************
The other morning I was laying in bed. It was like 5am, and the garbage man was out picking up the trash with those new crazy one-man operation robot trucks and it was just making these horrendous sounds. I realized that since I KNEW it was the garbage man, there was no reason to be alarmed. But what if you didn't know if was the garbage man? It would probably be pretty terrifying. Old people everywhere are probably saying "Jesus, Maude. The robots are finally here to kill us..." on a regular basis.
************************
When you're on the interstate, why do scores of cars slam on their breaks when they see a cop on the side of the road, writing someone a ticket? Seems like this is the perfect time to speed (or really break any vehicular law) since the guy is already busy with someone. I mean, really... do you think the cop is going to be like "License and registration, ma'am. Do you know how fast you were.... WOAH! NEVERMIND!"
::police man runs back to police car::
"I'm going after that guy! Besides, he looked kind of mexican..."
****************************************
As a former construction worker/current estimator/manager/myspace blog writer, I'd often run into situations where the safety guy on whatever job you're on forces you to wear a hardhat. I'm no fan, as they look kind of like you're one of those waterhead people. Plus they're unnatural, bulky, and stupid looking. I've seen some fashioned like cowboy hats, which are pretty cool. The first time I saw one, I thought about getting into the customized hardhat business. I'd probably make some look like derbys, or peter pan hats, or pirate regalia, or women's sunhats... though none of those would probably go over well. But if you're driving by a construction site in a few years and everyone on the job are wearing beret or viking helmet hardhats, please give me a call. Clearly I'm owed some compensation on some level.
Anyway, something that irks me is when I'm at LSU or near somewhere doing site (earth) work, or see someone doing maintenance and they're wearing a hardhat. I'm not talking about a construction site, where people could be dropping rivets or bolts on your head from the floor above you. I'm talking about a situation where there is clearly no reason for you to be wearing a hardhat. Perhaps you are afraid the building that you're next to, that you're repainting the doorhandle of, is going to spontaneously collapse? If that's the case, brother, we're all in trouble. Do you think that a meteorite is going to crash into your head? Are people beaning you in the skull with rocks a real problem for you?
Many many many years ago, I was working on a job at Southern University. A brand-new four story building, where yes, hardhats can probably provide some purpose. However, we'd left the job for lunch and this guy Dumas had apparantly forgot to take his off. While we were in line waiting to get our extra value meals, Sean (one of our coworkers) looked at him and said "Dumas, do you doubt the structural stability of this Burger King"? I looked at him and said "Yeah, I think we're safe here. You can probably take a few minutes off from safety land." Dumas took the hardhat off, we all had a chuckle, and enjoyed a moment of having our heads clearly available to whatever troubles may befall us.
But note to self while looking back on it: Create Safety Land. It will be a hit.
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