The Two Greatest Pains In The Ass

In life, there are necessities, needs, wants, and musts. Some you have to do and some you don't. Like, for example, I don't really like going to the DMV but I know it serves a purpose. I may not agree with their efficiency but I get it. You kind of need a state department to take care of that bullshit. Plus you only have to go every 4 years or so, to renew a license or get a change of address or get a duplicate or get a license plate or whatever. Either way, it's not like you need to go all the time.
But there are two things (and I will add to this list as it comes available) that I find to be an extraordinary unnecessary pain in the balls. These 2 things are:

1. Getting something notarized.
2. Getting a vehicle inspection.

Both of these things are quite frankly, absolutely useless in my opinion. Both of them are wastes of valuable time. In fact, here's a benchmark to really measure how unneeded a task is... Neither of these tasks can employ someone full time, at least not logistically. Almost every notary I've met has a license to do it, a stamp, a certificate... but they still have a day job. It's not like notaryland is going to keep them well fed. And state inspections kind of make sense to me, but it's obviously an annoyance to anyone who performs them. Like, see the little orange sign out by the road that says "Official State Inspections" or whatever it is, and you instantly know they don't really want to do it but they will if they have time.
Usually you go in and the exchange goes like this:

Q: "Hey, you guys doing inspections today?"
A: "Yeah. But come back at 4:37pm this afternoon. And bring me a brass statue of a crab, 2700 lira (former Italian currency). And make sure your trailer hitch is encased in purple plastic with a Barbie logo on it. Oh and we're only doing hatchbacks and French Peugot convertibles today. I see you have a truck. Our truck inspector won't be here until Thursday from 9:15 am to 11:38am."

And the notary thing. Ok, what's the deal? Do I really need someone reassuring me that I'm doing something legally binding? I can sign a check. That's ok. But want to transfer a vehicle title? Then "meet me here at my office after lunch, about 3:19. Our notary would be glad to help you complete this meaningless task you so seek to finish. Sign here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. No not there. Here! Great, you fucked it up and we're going to have to do it all over again. Ok, now give me $23 cash in $2 bills and go over there and wait in line".
Fuck it, you know what I'm going to do? Open a store called "State Inspections, Notary, And Other Pains In The Ass". You'll also be able to pay your water bill, obtain a Wood Destroying Insect Report, drop things off for the Salvation Army, send off certified mail, defrag your computer, and soft boil an egg.

Should be a hit.

e-mule

I wrote a joke...
Me: What do you call an Emu getting his Email?
You: I don't know... E-mule?
A: No. An emu is a bird, dumbass. It can't get email.
You: Oh. Yeah... yeah, I guess you're right.

Full Metal Jacket

If you've never seen Stanley Kubrick's epic Vietnam War film Full Metal Jacket, I can sum up the only 2 parts you NEED to see. Not HAVE to see, because the rest of the movie is good too. There's a lot of cool parts that would make what I call my "quote realm" (like when the guy is shooting people from the helicopter, and Joker goes "How can you shoot innocent women and children", and he says "Easy. You just don't lead them as much!" or when the black guy is caught in the crossfire and the sniper just keeps shooting him, or anytime they say the name "Animal Mother")...

But the 2 parts of the movie you NEED to see are 1) the first 30 minutes or so when they're all in boot camp, and 2)the part where the prostitute is saying "Me so horny! Me love you long time. Boom boom, fifteen dollah!" The boot camp part ends with Private Pyle blowing his brains all over the back of the toilet, and the prostitute part is right after that.

Soon as that happens, you can really just change the channel unless you feel like really dedicating your time to this movie. It's good. You won't be wasting your time. But you'll say to yourself "You know, it all sort of went downhill after the guy stole that other dudes camera..."

That is all.