My mom told me one day, probably without really thinking about it or really just having it come out in passing, that on the day I moved out of my parents house and into my first apartment, my dad cried. She told me this I think a couple of weeks afterwards. Now, we had an amazing time living in that apartment. It was probably some of the cornerstones of my adult life. That part of life sandwiched between being a kid and being an adult. It was necessary. All of it. It was probably time to do it, but I don't know for sure. Who's to say?
That thought has stuck with me.
Maybe I don't think about it every day, but I think about it probably every couple months. Maybe 2 or 3 times a year. But I think about it. It's part of living - when a baby bird leaves the nest. And I remember really only half leaving. I only moved a couple of things, took a couple of clothes and probably stayed there 3 or 4 days a week. My bed was still at my parents house. My TV. Pretty much all my stuff. But it was more or less this passage that I think all parents have to go through and it pains me so much today, that I made him feel like that. He was 44 years old. Today I'm 35 years old. I'm 9 years from the point he was at when I moved out. His dad, my grandfather, died at 68 years old. My dad is 60 now. He's 8 years from the age HIS dad died. These numbers constantly flicker through my head. And it's sad that I spend really any time thinking about that kind of stuff but it's really just part of life, I guess...
Every day I get home from work, my kids run up to me. "DAAAAAAADDDDYYYY!" They're so excited. Screaming uncontrollably. But I remember being that little boy. My Dad would come home, all dirty from work. And I remember screaming uncontrollably. I guess one day that kinda stops happening. It's why we bottle time up. It's why remembering this stuff is so important.
I need to write in this thing more. I know my kiddos are gonna see it someday. That's the goal. When you're reading it, remember THIS time. It's 2014. I love seeing my kiddos run up to me. It's the highlight of my life.
I hope I don't cry too much on the day that they move out. But I almost tear up thinking about it TODAY. So I'm probably toast for when it happens.
Guess only one way to find out.
