Target this...

the other day me and aimee were in Target and a few things crossed my mind. first of all, what in the HELL is really going on in there? when i was little, K-mart was friggin huge. Target could easily fit like 6 K-marts in it. and if the really big Target is a SUPER Target, than what would a regular Target be? Mortal Target? Meager Target? Target-sapian? So anyways, i wanted some GOOD strawberry jelly (not the Sugar-free non-food that Aimee always gets) so i headed for the "spreads" isle and found the preserves. Then i started thinking "What exactly are they preserving?" but my lack of grocery intellect and big eyes got the better of me, as i was affixed on all the pretty colors. As i picked out a huge jar of Bama Strawberry, i started to think about what would happen if i just picked it up and launched it down the isle, grenade style. I'm sure one of the uniformed Target Asset Protection Officers(tm) would hunt me down gestapo style, as i cowered somewhere in frozen foods. Finally when we got to the checkout counter, i started watching people unpack their baskets. This woman pulls out this massive 5000 roll pack of toilet paper and i found it sort of humourous. How could such a private act be so public in its preperation. I see her toilet paper, an item that will be used in a pretty foul manner. Right now, it's just toilet paper. Clean. White. But not for long... Oh, Target.

possible album names.

possible album names: 

1. we're all going to die. 

2. teenage love falls apart. 

3. i really wanna f*ck lindsay lohan. 

4. a novel obviously written in a coffee shop. 

5. diarhea of a mad man 

6. lets all get cohlera! 

7. rejected as suspected. 

8. hey rocky, watch me pull this rabbit out of my hat!

9. the dog that bites you. 

10. Q: who's drunk? A: who's not? 

11. pissed in your dr. pepper. 

12. bloody taco. 

13. bloody hairy taco in your dr. pepper. 

14. burger queen 

15. move with style. move with grace. 

16. who wrote "scrote" on my old pet goat? 

17. give a dog a bono (U2's singer) 

18. stereo in stereo 

19. mexiCAN. mexiCAN'T. 

20. no room in the red room 

21. the chopper 

22. huxtable hugs tables. 

23. this album does not sound like LL Cool J, i'm sorry! 

24. give up and give down 

25. the little boy God hated. 

26. songs about shit and ailments 

27. mothers, fuckers, others, truckers. 

28. God made you fat. 

29. who's gonna pop the zits on yer back? 

30. makin' love during the war. 

31. every song hank williams ever wrote. 

32. songs hank williams did NOT write, but would. 

33. songs by hank jr. which mention hank sr. 

34. songs hank williams hated 

35. songs hank williams did not hate, but would. 

more to come later.

Can you really set ANYTHING as your ringtone?

why is it that when i need something the most, it responds to me the least? for example, my cell phone battery died the other day right when i was expecting an important call. knowing that i had a regular land line phone i could use when needed, i turned the phone back on just hoping to keep it on a little while so i'd know when i got the call. you know, hoping i'd maybe hear half a ring-tone before it died again. but when you turn it on, it has to vibrate and flash a bunch of lights and exert all this crazy energy it's trying to impress you with... of course THAT'S gonna take everything it's got left in it and it's going to immediately die out. also, what's up with ringtones now? i mean, what's wrong with a regular phone ringtone. "ring ring" - pick up the phone. why will people pay $1 or more to have their phone play Notorious B.I.G.'s "Big Papa" when they're in a hospital or a busy restaurant. how does sitting in a coffee shop with you're phone suddenly springing to life, screaming out Ashlee Simpson's "La La", possibly reveal anything about your personality? what extent is this really gonna get to? i mean, how big can speakers be on cellphones? is there going to come a time when people walk in, set their phone in the table, and then set up a little sound system so you can hear some Beethoven in Bose Sorround Sound(tm)? is it going to be like bass in cars, where people will get bigger and bigger cellphones for some window shaking, phone ringing action? in a related story, the jamster things on this website are the absolute most annoying things i've ever heard in my life. post on, dearest samuel.