shampoo, JOHN!, angry cow, confused and disgusted...

how often does this happen to you? i'm in the shower, about to wash my hair. i open the little hinge cap from the shampoo bottle, hold the bottle above my hand at about a 45 degree angle, and then accidentally dump a shitload of shampoo into my hand. "fuck", i say... looking at the rediculous sized puddle in my palm. i didn't need THIS much shampoo. so then, it never fails... i try to pour the huge amount back into the tiny hole in the bottle which NEVER works. so then i just end up shampooing my entire body. oh well - i guess i'll smell pretty good today. the other day i was sitting in the house and heard my neighbor yelling. this woman next door was all pissed off, angrilly snapping at whoever. so i turned my tv off and quietly opened my sliding door so i could listen in. she was on the phone and just screaming "FATHERHOOD HAPPENS EVERY DAY, JOHN! FATHERHOOD HAPPENS EVERY DAY!!!". i wanted to go yell out "yeah, i got your fatherhood right here..." then slam the door - but i didn't. then she goes "JOHN, WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE...". i was like, what the hell is this woman talking about? i think that if you're going to yell conversations on the phone loud enough for your neighbors to hear, you have to explain yourself. last week, i was driving for my job to go drop off some stuff in W. Feliciana, and i was passing tons of cow pastures. i started to wonder if cows ever get mad. i mean, bulls obviously get mad but what about cows? horses can get mad. i'm pretty sure goats can get mad. what if cows can't get mad? i wish i couldn't get mad. that would be pretty awesome. the other night, mac, joe, and i were driving over to a new bar here in town and i was pretty wasted. so we started shouting out different situational moods that started with the same letter, then wondering what it would be like to combine them. i think the first one was "disoriented" and "disgusted". so i said it would be like "oh, geez. i feel dizzy. woah..man, where am i? whoo... i.. ugh. i don't like this car. good Lord.. this seatbelt is gross...". the next one was "constipated" and "curious". it was like "oooh. oh man, i am really backed up. oooogh, geez. i just feel so weighted..but... what is this over here. a box? hmmm.. i wonder what is in the box. let's see... um... oooooh. ok, maybe later. i feel too full and heavy.". i have an electric razor i keep it in my car and shave on my way to work. this morning, the battery started to die after i'd shaved about 25% of my face. so today i have a half shave. dammit...