As many of you know, I'm getting mairred sometime this year. While it is probably a long ways off, once can't help but bring to mind the popular old saying: "First comes love, then comes mairrage, then comes Fucko with the baby cairrage" or something like that. With that in mind, it's never to early to start planning. So here's a few names I have possibly reserved for my future children:
General Louis Godfried Terito
Needle Van Terito
Terito Terito Terito
Lord Stackhouse Terito II
The boy
The girl
Whtever that is Terito
Hairless Waxy Terito
the Flying Terito Bros.
Sperm that met Egg
Air
Ezekial Legend Terito
Apple Terito
the Pope
Smartie McSmartie Smart Smarr!
Garnish Plate Terito
Taco
Virtual Terito
2-D
Lonnie Terito
Little Laughing Lawrence Limping Last to Los Verdonas
Topher Patton Terito
!
Smiley
Roar Teritostein
Zeston 2000 PVC Insulated Fitting Cover
April Tuesday December Terito
Sandra.Walking.Fast.Ter.Ito
Sony Presents My First Baby
Turn The Channel, Son
President George Washington Terito
Johnny Superman Terito
Next
Samuel Corey Terito 4: The Revenge
Turbo Terito
SHUT UP! Terito
The New Terito, Made Possible With a generous grant from the good people at Exxon
The Better Me
Doctor Linda Terito
Running Wolf Terito
Running Water Terito
Sam Terutti (I actually got mail addressed this way once.)
MJH-6895
The 2009 Ford Terito
Flash Terito
First Pick of the 2033 NFL Draft Terito
Teri To Terito
Bambi Candie Terito
Frank Sinatra Terito
Nailbomb Terito
Matsui Yamiko Terito
Sodium Citrate + Boric Acid
The Big Letdown Terito
Grizzly Toughman Terito
Ponyboy
You Better Be A Doctor or Lawyer Terito
That's all I could come up with for now. Any other suggestions out there?
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Monday, April 17, 2006
Welcome to Moderately-priced Commercial Foodville!
Don't you hate it when you go to a restaurant during the lunch rush, and the waitress is immediately all over you. Like, the hostess has just set your menus down, your pulling out your chair and the waitress is already saying "what can i get you to drink?"... Suddenly, i know how this lunch is going to be. They want you to hurry the fuck up, they wanna get your $24.95, and get the next fat asses in those chairs. A perfect world for these over ambitious servers would be you saying "Um, I'll take a water with lemon, a tortilla chip, and the check!" and then they sprint to the POS register to key-in your bill.
Calm down. Please. I'm going to choke to death on my chili con queso and make a scene. Then I'll be in my chair for a considerable amount longer, prompting you to forgo all of the dough you'd have made on table 13 today. You thought it was going to be great because you're working with Christi the hostess today and she hooks you up. "Have you guys decided yet?". NO!
I'm a good customer too. If there's a wait, and I have to go get a drink at the bar, I will always close the tab so the bartender doesn't get fucked. I'm not the type who when my table is ready, would say "Can you transfer that to my table?". That's not fair, and I don't do that. Therefore, I'd like a millisecond to decide what I'm going to eat.
I also get annoyed by those servers who are asking you every 2 minutes if you need anything. It's not like everything has gone awry in 90 seconds. I don't foresee the following happening. "Is everything ok?". "Yes, it's fine. Thank you." Waitress walks away, and the burger falls apart and into your lap. Your date spills a glass and knocks your plate over while packets of Splenda explode and you stab yourself in the eye with your fork. Not too likely. I've devised a way to thwart this. Just ask for something everytime they come over. "Can I get some ketchup?" "Can I get some mustard?" "Can I get some more napkins?" "Can I get some bread covered with powdered soap flakes, toasted, with somebody to help me chew it up because i have bad teeth, with a little Gheghis Kahn trading card and VHS version of the film 'Witness' starring Harrison Ford and Lucas Hass...?"
"Can I get the check?"
And then it's like a bolt of lightening to the register. She's thinking "Oh holy fucking shit! Table 13 has FINALLY finished their meal. I mean, it only took like 12 minutes!!! Don't they know this is Chili's, where lunchtime minutes are like flakes of gold and money...Don't they?"
I'm always tempted to sit there after the little book has been brought out for me to sign. Just chew some ice cubes. Stretch. Look around for the waitress seething with anger. I don't really do it. And I always still tip well. Still, if i'm taking 30 seconds to say goodbye to my ailing greandmother, just chill. Don't come take the check folder thing away, thus completing our little lunch interaction. I want to be out of there when you see the tip. When you see the little present I left. It's always at least 20%. But don't look before I leave. It's like opening your birthday presents before the party.
But anyways. I was good today too. Where's my tip?
Calm down. Please. I'm going to choke to death on my chili con queso and make a scene. Then I'll be in my chair for a considerable amount longer, prompting you to forgo all of the dough you'd have made on table 13 today. You thought it was going to be great because you're working with Christi the hostess today and she hooks you up. "Have you guys decided yet?". NO!
I'm a good customer too. If there's a wait, and I have to go get a drink at the bar, I will always close the tab so the bartender doesn't get fucked. I'm not the type who when my table is ready, would say "Can you transfer that to my table?". That's not fair, and I don't do that. Therefore, I'd like a millisecond to decide what I'm going to eat.
I also get annoyed by those servers who are asking you every 2 minutes if you need anything. It's not like everything has gone awry in 90 seconds. I don't foresee the following happening. "Is everything ok?". "Yes, it's fine. Thank you." Waitress walks away, and the burger falls apart and into your lap. Your date spills a glass and knocks your plate over while packets of Splenda explode and you stab yourself in the eye with your fork. Not too likely. I've devised a way to thwart this. Just ask for something everytime they come over. "Can I get some ketchup?" "Can I get some mustard?" "Can I get some more napkins?" "Can I get some bread covered with powdered soap flakes, toasted, with somebody to help me chew it up because i have bad teeth, with a little Gheghis Kahn trading card and VHS version of the film 'Witness' starring Harrison Ford and Lucas Hass...?"
"Can I get the check?"
And then it's like a bolt of lightening to the register. She's thinking "Oh holy fucking shit! Table 13 has FINALLY finished their meal. I mean, it only took like 12 minutes!!! Don't they know this is Chili's, where lunchtime minutes are like flakes of gold and money...Don't they?"
I'm always tempted to sit there after the little book has been brought out for me to sign. Just chew some ice cubes. Stretch. Look around for the waitress seething with anger. I don't really do it. And I always still tip well. Still, if i'm taking 30 seconds to say goodbye to my ailing greandmother, just chill. Don't come take the check folder thing away, thus completing our little lunch interaction. I want to be out of there when you see the tip. When you see the little present I left. It's always at least 20%. But don't look before I leave. It's like opening your birthday presents before the party.
But anyways. I was good today too. Where's my tip?
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