Have you ever noticed the length you will go, the distances you will travel, the trials and tribulations you'll put yourself through... just to get one more brushing's worth of toothpaste out of the tube. Whenever I start to run low, I ueually don't even make any type of note of it until it gets to be a real challenge to get that last little bit. I know I'm living on borrowd toothpaste time. It's hard for me to visualize where I get the brute strength in the mornings to smash the shit out of the flattened and mostly empty tube just the get that smidgen of toothpaste residue on my brush. We're past the pea sized globule you use when the tube is new. You can just prepare the brush with no abandon, no care in the world when you got a new tube. It's like the way oil was looked at back in the day when they built cars out of steel. But no, not now. At this point, I don't even know if there's really any paste on the brush. I think there is. I think I got a little. The next step after this is scraping the bristles around the little tube hole. And brother, that's a whole new ballgame...
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Have you ever taken a shower somewhere and noticed the showehead indicating a massage setting? Not to spoil the surprise here, but it's probably the worst massage ever. Who came up with this idea? I mean, were massages horribly inadequate when this showerhead was designed? I have to say, I feel sorry for people who turn this on and are suddenly relaxed and relieved of stress... Because that person has obviously never felt the touch of another human being in their life. I hearby issue a boycott on all showerheads that can claim to give a massage until we can get this right. And I've brought this up to several people in the past and some of you ladies out there use the showerhead for some dirty things. Look, I'm not raining on your parade. If it had a "masturbation" setting, I wouldn't be all up in arms. But it doesn't. So I'm not going to take it anymore.
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Um, I don't listen to the radio too much anymore. At least not much top 40 stuff. Every now and again I'll come across something that has some major current pop relevance in our culture. So the other day I heard a song by Carrie Underwood called "Before He Cheats". Ok. Woooah. Maybe they could have called the song "Let's Go Commit Some Felonies", because I mean...damn... The followup to the song could be by a guy called "I Just Pressed Charges". What is after "Before He Cheats" on Carrie's album? Is it "I Shot You In The Face"? It reminds me of that song by the Dixie Chicks where they kill that guy. What is it with country music chicks? All the killing. All the vandalism. It's like 90's era gangsta rap took the East Coast/West Coast anger and gave it to women in country music after Tupac and Biggie got capped.These chicks are pissed. And they're fed up with your shit so beware. When your rolling through your lady's cd collection and you see a copy of Wide Open Spaces, you better watch your ass.
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