Disney World? Disney PLANET!

what a week. i've just had one of the most insane weeks of my life and i'm def ready for a nap. here's the update on what m.c. sam has been into for the last 2 weeks. for those of yous who don't know, me and aimee got engaged this weekend. you know, what kind of word is that. engaged? i mean, it makes me think of some fighter pilot term... "missles engaged.."? anyway, it was finally time to do it and move on to the next chapter in my life. sorry ladies.. this motherfucker is taken. so i just got back from the happiest place on earth: Disneyworld. Aimee worked there a few years back, was part of the Disney college program, and met some of the most interesting people you could imagine. i could honestly do a sociological study on the typical Disney employee. there are some of them who won't go and see movies made by Universal, Fox, or Warner Bros... only companies owned by Disney. They'll only watch ABC, they don't accept the existance of Shrek or South Park. Why have Daffy Duck when you could have Donald Duck? Why have Bugs Bunny when you could have Roger Rabbit? and the thing is, you don't know these people exist until you emurse yourself in their culture. It's the closest thing to a cult that can thrive in modern society. maybe i'm just pissed because there's no Sam-World. instead of the "Tower of Terror", i'd have the "Tower of Terrorism". i'd also make a Judge Genius ride, where you would go into a big dome and people would chase you with rubber mallots while JG played at full volume. or maybe i'd make a ride where you go into a dark hallway and just trip over stuff. I'd call it the "Great Big Falldown". As we walked around Disney, i looked at the despaired looks on some of the people's faces as they waited in lines. then i had an idea for another ride. "Line - THE RIDE". it would be this long line that lead to a door, and after people waited for 45 minutes, the door would open and it would just be nothing. or maybe another line to stand in. after i stood in line for something for like 30 minutes, i told aimee "hey, maybe this is all there is. it's just a line...". then we went on the Pirates of the Carribean. there was this little girl with her parents, just about to get on the boat... and the girl was just crying her eyes out. she was like "I don't want to die..." and aimee leant over and was like "you're not going to die..". i looked at aimee a few minutes later and said "you don't know if that girl's going to die or not. she might flip out and jump out of the boat or something..". then aimee told me a few years ago this retarded kid jumped out of Splash Mountain and died. wouldn't that be awesome to see that happen? anyways, here's the list of rides we're making for the grand opening of Sam-World, coming fall of 2008.

1. "Tower of Terrorism"

2. "Line - the Ride"

3. "The Great Big Falldown"

4. Run from whorish ants in "Ants! Whores! Ant-whore!"

5. "Cow - The Adventure"

6. "Virtual Poverty"

7. "Purgatory. Then Hell. Just kidding, WE GAVE YOU ACID!" (ages 8 and up)

8. "Punch a Bum in the Gut"

9. "the Great Prison Rape Adventure".

10. "Wake Up With Cheetos".

11. fun for the whole family in "Captain Hoof and the Beastiality Train"

12. "Escape From Satsuma"

13. carry a pallet of bricks on "Bad Back"

14. "Grandma and the Money Shot"... and last but not least...

15. Shit Out A Buick.