Man, I keep fucking myself up. For some reason, my face and head have become a target lately and if I don't watch out, something really bad might happen. One thing is for sure... if you get hit in the face or head with something, it really fucking hurts. In the last 3 weeks, I've encountered 2 sure fire incidents that had the potential to be far worse than they ended up being. Though that doesn't mean they were painless. I could have lost eyes, nose, lips. I'm just saying... be careful around me!
The first one happened on Super Bowl Sunday. This weekend always plans to be a severely drunken blur that usually results in me doing something stupid, and this year was no exception. We were all out at Mike's to watch the game, and afterwards to watch the let's-get-drunk-and-play-with-explosives display. Kegs, Football, and Firecrackers. See, Gonzales has a variety of hillbilly firecracker stands where you can find something moderately priced to blow your hands off with. I didn't have much interest in them because I was fucked up out of my mind, so I opted to stand in the front yard and discuss some sort of mindless bullshit that probably had little to no meaning whatsoever. (Actually, I think I was asking Julie why Ascension Parish didn't use street names. Instead they opt for numbers. Getting directions in Prarieville/Dutchtown/Sorrento is like a math problem: "Take a right on 61, go down to 22, and when you get to the light at 16, turn left at 14 and then 17 98 = 115, carry the one...".. ahem.)
So as I'm saying this, a flaming ember flies out of the sky and hits me in the mouth. I'm in the middle of a rant and just POW!.. right in the face. I remember people looking at me, then seeing this happen, then erupting in laughter. I was like "Mother FUCKER!", immediatly grabbing my upper lip and testing for blood. It was like God was getting me back for talking trash about the numbered streets. I couldn't shave for about 3 days because of this burn under my right nostril. To add to the embarassment, the scab sort of looked like a booger. How convenient. Later on in the evening, Mike burned his hand pretty bad and eventually Ashley shut down the show. Although lack of alcohol might have thwarted these incidents, it's presence certainly helped numb the pain. It healed about 4 days later for the scab to fall off, but for the rest of my life people will be able to say "Hey, Sam. Remember when you got hit in the face with that firecracker?".
So then last night, we go to Star 80 at the Moon to dance our little butts away. Again, a few drinks after we got there and I was working it like Janet Jackson. Now, if you're familiar with the Spanish Moon, you know there's a huge upstairs loft area with a railing overlooking the downstairs, stage, etc.. I think i was in the middle of singing "Always Something There To Remind Me" when I felt a painful POP on the top of my head. This was immediatly followed by the splattering of liquid, and glass... and then by a warm trickle of blood from my forehead to my cheek. Some asshole had dropped a beer bottle from the second story, probably about 20 feet up and it came to rest on my forehead.
This hurt considerably more than the firecracker, and i was handed fistfulls of bar napkins to stop the tremendous bleeding. Aimee, Joe, and Mac were on a tear up the stairs to find the culprits while I ended up in the kitchen with a migraine and some saturated bloody napkins. This REALLY pissed me off. The firecracker was funny. I mean, that seems like a fair retaliation for talking smack about Gonzales, but getting hit in the skull with a bottle while your dancing to 80's pop songs is extremely inappropriate. I mean, I already look stupid dancing to this. Severe bleeding from the forehead while "I Don't Wanna Lose Your Love Tonight" is playing is too much. I would have much rathered the firecracker.
Joe kept saying "SAM! YOU NEED STITCHES! TRUST ME, I KNOW A LOT ABOUT NEEDING STITCHES!" while I tried to pull the hair on my receding hairline over the gash. In the end, my attackers escaped. I at first wanted to keep this all under the rug, and I told Mac and Joe both as I was dropping them off back at the NGT to keep it quiet. Before I could get out of the parking lot, people were running out to the truck to see my new head wound. I ended up using the neosporin and peroxide healing method, but i'm sure that as I continue to lose my hair, the iminent scar will be visible. It just goes to show you that God will punish me for a variety of reasons. People have often said to me "Sam, this could only happen to you..." and it just goes to show that they're probably right.
So, anywhoo. Make sure you keep your shields up around me.
Peace on earth,
Sam
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