Rachel Ray's Weird Mouth

Who is Rachel Ray? Where did she come from? Why all of a sudden is she on every channel of my televsion? Why is she on my box of Wheat Thins? Did she have a childhood, or was she just created to help housewives get creative decorating tips? If so, her creator (or should I say cre-Ray-tor) only messed up one thing... her weird little joker like mouth.
I can't stop looking at it. Oh sure, I can hear her talking, and I can see she's showing me how to make an easter basket out of an egg carton, but all I can concentrate on are those little 90 degree angled creases next to her mouth. See here...

(Image from Myspace Blog)

Notice how angled those things are. I mean, they are super mighty pointy. I think that guy sitting next to her wearing his keychain around his neck almost cut himself on Rachel's mouth apparatus. Now that I look a little harder, he has some too, though not nearly as defined. Maybe he was trying to out point her. Maybe he was mocking her. Maybe this was taken at the "Everyone Who Has Rigid Pointy Mouth Creases" Convention 2006, featuring super celeb Rachel Ray.
Personally, i think it may be time to fire up the bat signal. Get a big spotlight and shine it out to the sky. We all might be in grave danger, because I think this guy might be back, though dresses in a very clever disquise:

If she starts adversing Smilex (remember the product the Joker came out with in 1991's Batman that killed everybody), then I'm gonna start freaking.
Now everytime you see her on TV, you're going to think about this. I'm not trying to take anything away from Rachel Ray. I just think there's some reason she's everywhere. It's that mouth. It's intriguing. It's static. It just opens and closes while the rest of her bounces all around it.

I don't know. It's just sort of weird.

Pee, Bumper Stickers, and Being Scared of Ants

There's a few things you notice when drinking energy drinks, most notably Diet Rockstar. For one, it doesn't really taste good and you can literally feel it burning your esophagus. Still, the greatest thing about it is that it turns your pee to the color of a yellow highlighter, which is frightening almost as it is funny. Try it out and let me know what you think about that...
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I have most recently seen the 2 greatest bumper stickers ever. The first one was on a pickup that pulled out in front of me on Cedercrest coming out of the Home Despot. It read "Vegetarian: Old Indian Word for 'Bad Hunter'". I thought that was pretty funny, and I wasn't even mad at him anymore for pulling out in front of me. The other funny one I saw when me and Mikey were on our way to a Knuckledusta show. It was on the back of an El Camino and it read "Abortion is Mean". We were just busting out in laughter. I don't know if that's a political statement or not, I guess it just is what it is. Man, oh man...
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One thing I can't stand is when I'm standing at a urinal and peeing, and another guy walks up to the urinal directly next to me. It's no problem if that's all you have available, but if there's anywhere else you can go - please do so. That's unnerving. I almost want to stop peeing. Or maybe keep peeing but nonchelantly scoot to the next urinal while peeing on the wall between them. What the fuck? Get away from me, you freak. Wait for a stall. Either that or go in the sink. Regardless, I don't need you all next to me and shit, you motherfucker.
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I'm gonna hit you with a theory of mine. Ready? Here it is: Roaches are only scary because they run fast. This is a theory I've had for a while. If they were slow, you wouldn't flip out when you saw them. You'd just be like "Oh, look. How did THIS get in here?". It's like ants. They're not so scary because they're a lot slower. I don't know anyone who is scared of ants. You're scared of what they COULD do to you, but not immediately afraid of them. It's not like you see an antpile in the back yard and go "Fuck! We have Ants!" and just lose your mind. You just make a mental note to not happen upon them and blankly stand there, right? So there it is. Speed is scary. Write that down.