Animal Planet

So Animal Planet. The channel that LOVES animals, right? All animals? Because I just saw a full grown lion take down a poor gazzelle. I guess you didn't love the gazzelle that much, Animal Planet. What the fuck, man... So you love all the animals that aren't fodder for the other animals to look better. I suppose the zebra that I just saw a cheetah drag to the ground unmercifully was just a speed bump. Just a prop? Motherfuckers.
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Speaking of animals, I was driving to work this morning and I was looking out the window. Flying high in the air was some sort of hawk or falcon or eagle... I'm not quite sure. Either way, there were a series of smaller birds like dive bombing at it, and I couldn't help but say aloud to the eagle, from my car window, "What did you do? What the hell did you just get into, man?" I mean, something was up. That eagle must have done something, unless the smaller birds were just fucking with him, which I could honestly see too. "Hey, lets go fuck with that eagle over there..." That reminds me. I still hate most everyone I went to middle school with.
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For shits and giggles, check out me and Adam's new podcast, Crapchat. It's so radical that you'll be speaking in tongues shortly after listening to it. Click HERE to listen. Scroll down and click "episode 2". There's like this 1 minute commercial to get thru but then it'll crank right up. You'll love it. Or hate it. Or hate to love it. Or whatever.