Can I proposition you?

Listen,
I'm not going to come at you all fancy pants bells and whistles here, but I have something to tell you, ok. Look. I've started a new band. "A new band, Sam? Fuck, man... what is this gonna be, the 19th myspace page you've started, and now you want me to be friends with?" I can hear you now. Seriously. And your thoughts sting me like a bee. Ok? I know... i know. But this one is different...
"Different, Sam? Yeah. What, does this one not include instruments? Is this some sort of vaudeville play? Different how, Sam. PERFORMANCE ART? A puppet show? How is this so different, shithead? What the fuck is so different about this, you fat fucker?"
Easy there, people in my mind. You don't have to be so mean.
"Um, apparantly we do."
Ok, I'm just gonna lay it out there. The name of the band is Supervillain!. It's sort of like Knuckledusta, except it's john gray, danny more, dan thompson and me instead of john gray, adam king, mikey terito, kyle bailey, and me. And instead of poorly covering things like Bush and Rage, now we're poorly covering Kelly Clarkson and TLC.
If you're not doing anything on Friday, December 21 and you're looking to party a little bit, come check us out at the North Gate Tavern with our buddies, the Stellaphonics.
Oh, and for those wondering out there, the wisdom teeth came out nice.. I just have some pain to get over and I'll be a-ok.
Love always,
e-sam

blib blub

blizzilb busssssssssszzzzzzzzzzzzz...*

Goodbye, Pen.. Cat whistles, and going under the knife

Do you ever talk to pens or highlighters, maybe any other office supplies? Because I do. I just realized it as I was writing with a red pen and it was sort of fading in and out. I held it up to my face and said, "you know, this isn't really working out. I think it's time we went our seperate ways..." and walked to the trashcan. The exchange looked like this:



So goodbye, Office Depot brand red ink fine point pen. It was good while it lasted.
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The other day, me and Aimee were sitting on the couch and for some reason, we were talking about kittens. I think I was doing a kitten impression, to which Aimee followed up with this sound like "Beeeeyeeeeeeeeew...". I told her that kittens didn't sound like that, because they don't really have lips. So making a "b" sound isn't really possible, becuase lip pursing isn't really possible in the feline culture. If they could do that though, they could probably whistle. And I think we're all in agreement that would be pretty neat.
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Tomorrow morning, I'm having surgery. It's serious, motherfucker. I said SURGERY!!! True, the word is close to "sugary", but there's nothing sweet about it.. I'm getting 3 wisdom teeth jerked out of my skull. They've been telling be that I needed them out, oh, since High School, but I guess the apparant LACK of wisdom they've provided has persuaded me to wait till now. So tomorrow at 7:20 am, under the influence of valium, I will have an IV put into my body and drift into another realm. Hopefully I'll make it back. I kind of expect to be like in The Big Lebowski, when the Dude is flying through the air, drifting along until he realizes he's holding a bowling ball and falls to the ground...
Anyways, say a prayer. Shit like this makes me shake like a leaf.