1998

About 10 years ago, I decided I was going to write a book all about myself and my theories on life. I recently found it and I have to say I was impressed with how long I stuck with it. It's 60 pages of size 12 font Times New Roman drivel, along with illustrations, comic strips, poems. I'm getting quite a kick out of it because for the most part, it's the most vile and stupidest shit I have ever seen in any type of print. But there were some interesting tidbits. It was called "Sam Terito's 1998", and I personally find it fascinating because of the way I thought back then. Fitting - its on I suppose its 10 year old birthday. Sadly I remember giving this missive to people to read who were in my apartment or somewhere nearby. They thought it was mildly entertaining, but looking back it was probably a guidebook for how angry and misguided of a person I was.

Some tidbits worth re-typing:
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(from Chapter 10)
Sam is a very hairy man. When he gets his hair cut, the haircutters always laugh at the overgrowth of hair on the back of Sam's neck. Sam is VERY ANGRY about this behavior.
(from Chapter 12)
-When I was only 4 years old, I was small and hairless.
-Everyone who was mean to me in middle school will burn in hell.
-The waitress at a nearby breakfast place bit my head.

(from Chapter 13)
-The other day I was walking around school and I started to think. Wouldn't it be cool if simple things could make me happy? So I went into this building, walked to a coke machine, and purchased a soft drink. Then I walked around campus, lightly sipping it. I started looking at leaves and trees. I stopped. Looked at all that was around me... and smiled. I was so fucking happy because I had a cold soft drink and I didn't have to do anything.

(from Chapter 18)
A COMMERCIAL FOR EGGS
A man walks into a room where his family is consuming breakfast. He looks at a horse in the corner and vomits on it. The end.
A COMMERCIAL FOR SHAMPOO
Two people are walking down the street. An armed criminal walks into the street in front of them and mutters something in Japanese. Then a safe falls on an old woman off in the distance. The end.
A COMMERCIAL FOR COLA
An old man is vomiting on a trashcan in an unfurnished apartment. The end.

(from Chapter 19)
(May 15 1999 12:19pm)
These are good days. There will be other good days, but these are the best. At this point I have lived for 21 years, 1 month, 13 days, 23 hours, and 17 minutes. I have seen a lot but I will see more. Better days? Of course. Maybe. Perhaps. I hope so. Probably not. Who knows? That is the question. That is the quest. Maximize pleasure and minimize pain. That is the formula for better days.

(from Chapter 22)
you know the term "who gives a rat's ass"? well it doesn't really make any sense. how could you give a rat's ass? is there an understood 'to you' on the end of it? because i could understand giving a rat's ass to someone, but without that clarification there... i just don't know what to make of it. in ancient times, maybe a rat's ass was some type of gift, some type of commodity... hmmm.
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There's more, but I don't really feel like typing it out. Maybe every now and again, I'll throw out some of "Sam Terito's 1998" to you if you're bored and you want to see the ramblings of a 20-21 year old idiot.

Now I guess it's time to start "Sam Terito's 2008". Or have I already being doing that?