Is this bee high?
It's the Nasonex bee. He's usually flying around flowers and just acting what I would assume would be bee-like, although he has some odd hispanic undertones. In the commercials, he says things like, "I have returned, a changed bee."
He's always smiling and get's great enjoyment when the giant nasonex bottle sprays allergy inhalents all about. Maybe I'm wrong. It's just an observation.
But what a weird ass motherfucking logo, huh?
Why does every key on earth look like this now?
I literally have about 15 keys on my keychain that look exactly like this. In fact, I would bet that you do as well. Like me, you probably only remember what each of them is for in sheer relation to what order thay're in on the rings... and this, my friends, can no longer stand.
I want to know why this design is so great. I mean, is it that you have 3 holes in which to choose to add painfully to your keyrings? That said, you're likely going to go for the middle hole because it has greater depth and allows the key to be seperated from the ring a little farther. Well, if all keys produced on earth will now look like this, I'm going to rebel and start putting the rings through one of the holes to the left or right.
When somebody goes to give me a key to something, I'm already betting in my head (before I even see the key) that it's going to look like that. I'm already agonizing on how the fuck I'm going to remember that particular key for whatever function it might be for. The simple fact that it might say "Wal-Mart" or "kwikset" is not enough for me to keep it seperate. I need more.
And why that design? Really... In your decision to have a key made, what made you decide to go for that one? You might like unifomity on your keyring, but I do not. I want variety. I don't like putting 17 keys in a lock before I finally pick the right one. I also don't like the little rubber things to add to the top of the key in order to differentiate. No, you should have thought about that when you had this key made. Isn't there another design, like a skeleton key, or a key with fur on it, or something like that?
Man. Fuck that key design. I've about had enough. I already find enough things to waste time on and unlocking the door should not be one of them.
I won't be happy until I get a key that looks like this:
My new Bozo key. Hopefully carried at Wal-Mart by 2007. One can only hope.
Man, I keep fucking myself up. For some reason, my face and head have become a target lately and if I don't watch out, something really bad might happen. One thing is for sure... if you get hit in the face or head with something, it really fucking hurts. In the last 3 weeks, I've encountered 2 sure fire incidents that had the potential to be far worse than they ended up being. Though that doesn't mean they were painless. I could have lost eyes, nose, lips. I'm just saying... be careful around me!
The first one happened on Super Bowl Sunday. This weekend always plans to be a severely drunken blur that usually results in me doing something stupid, and this year was no exception. We were all out at Mike's to watch the game, and afterwards to watch the let's-get-drunk-and-play-with-explosives display. Kegs, Football, and Firecrackers. See, Gonzales has a variety of hillbilly firecracker stands where you can find something moderately priced to blow your hands off with. I didn't have much interest in them because I was fucked up out of my mind, so I opted to stand in the front yard and discuss some sort of mindless bullshit that probably had little to no meaning whatsoever. (Actually, I think I was asking Julie why Ascension Parish didn't use street names. Instead they opt for numbers. Getting directions in Prarieville/Dutchtown/Sorrento is like a math problem: "Take a right on 61, go down to 22, and when you get to the light at 16, turn left at 14 and then 17 98 = 115, carry the one...".. ahem.)
So as I'm saying this, a flaming ember flies out of the sky and hits me in the mouth. I'm in the middle of a rant and just POW!.. right in the face. I remember people looking at me, then seeing this happen, then erupting in laughter. I was like "Mother FUCKER!", immediatly grabbing my upper lip and testing for blood. It was like God was getting me back for talking trash about the numbered streets. I couldn't shave for about 3 days because of this burn under my right nostril. To add to the embarassment, the scab sort of looked like a booger. How convenient. Later on in the evening, Mike burned his hand pretty bad and eventually Ashley shut down the show. Although lack of alcohol might have thwarted these incidents, it's presence certainly helped numb the pain. It healed about 4 days later for the scab to fall off, but for the rest of my life people will be able to say "Hey, Sam. Remember when you got hit in the face with that firecracker?".
So then last night, we go to Star 80 at the Moon to dance our little butts away. Again, a few drinks after we got there and I was working it like Janet Jackson. Now, if you're familiar with the Spanish Moon, you know there's a huge upstairs loft area with a railing overlooking the downstairs, stage, etc.. I think i was in the middle of singing "Always Something There To Remind Me" when I felt a painful POP on the top of my head. This was immediatly followed by the splattering of liquid, and glass... and then by a warm trickle of blood from my forehead to my cheek. Some asshole had dropped a beer bottle from the second story, probably about 20 feet up and it came to rest on my forehead.
This hurt considerably more than the firecracker, and i was handed fistfulls of bar napkins to stop the tremendous bleeding. Aimee, Joe, and Mac were on a tear up the stairs to find the culprits while I ended up in the kitchen with a migraine and some saturated bloody napkins. This REALLY pissed me off. The firecracker was funny. I mean, that seems like a fair retaliation for talking smack about Gonzales, but getting hit in the skull with a bottle while your dancing to 80's pop songs is extremely inappropriate. I mean, I already look stupid dancing to this. Severe bleeding from the forehead while "I Don't Wanna Lose Your Love Tonight" is playing is too much. I would have much rathered the firecracker.
Joe kept saying "SAM! YOU NEED STITCHES! TRUST ME, I KNOW A LOT ABOUT NEEDING STITCHES!" while I tried to pull the hair on my receding hairline over the gash. In the end, my attackers escaped. I at first wanted to keep this all under the rug, and I told Mac and Joe both as I was dropping them off back at the NGT to keep it quiet. Before I could get out of the parking lot, people were running out to the truck to see my new head wound. I ended up using the neosporin and peroxide healing method, but i'm sure that as I continue to lose my hair, the iminent scar will be visible. It just goes to show you that God will punish me for a variety of reasons. People have often said to me "Sam, this could only happen to you..." and it just goes to show that they're probably right.
So, anywhoo. Make sure you keep your shields up around me.
Peace on earth,
Sam
