Take a look at these pictures...
(Picture of Glen Cambell, Rip Torn, and Nick Nolte)
Now, what do these people have in common? Well, they're all celebrities for one. But more notably these people ARE FUCKING SCARY LOOKING. I mean, I know they're a little bit older, but when me or the people I know get absolutely wasted, we look a hell of a lot better than this. These people look like Livingston Parish meth fiends.
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Today I noticed something I subconsiously do that I found kind of interesting. When I buy things at the convenience store and I have exact change, I'll quickly hand them the dollars and coins and wait to see if they're impressed that I could count it out so fast. I feel like I've beaten them at their own game and they should tell me something like "You know, you combined 2 dollar bills, a dime, a nickle, and three pennies to arrive at $2.18 faster than anyone else did today...". I deserve a treat. I feel like if I can put 60 cents in the Coke machine fast enough, I should get not only 1 coke, but another little can just to reward me for my quick counting lower tiered retail prowess....
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In fast food restaurants, the term "Thank You" on the garbage can is being a little presumptious. What if that person did something horrible in the restaurant and didn't deserve thanks? What if he went and pissed all over the bathroom or worse yet, robbed the place? Granted, he probably wouldn't use the trash can at that point. Wouldn't make much sense, really. Still, I guess it's better than the trashcan reading "Fuck You!". Actually, now that I think about it... that would be the coolest trash can in the world. I know what I want for Christmas!
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The other day during lunch, me and my brother were over at my parents house and we got on the topic of Rachel Ray. I was like "Man, isn't Rachel Ray everywhere?" and he was like "I hate that fucking bitch...". Then we somehow came up with other shows she could host playing off the Everyday With Rachel Ray guise. We came up with "Eating Hay with Rachel Ray", we had "Sculpting Clay with Rachel Ray"... but my favorite was "Let Us Pray to Rachel Ray" in which she grabs people out of the television audience to come down on the studio and worship her. Then my brother said Rachel's husband was paying some whore like $2000 a month to spit on him. It kind of made me feel bad for all the stuff I said about her, but then I got over it.
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"You should seeeeee.... what's on HGTV (you should see...)."
That's the little bumper song segment that HGTV plays between commercials. The only thing is that it doesn't make sense. If you're seeing and hearing that bumper, then you're obviously already seeing what's on HGTV. You're watching HGTV at the time. The song should go like this: "You should seeeeee.... what's on HGTV... in addition to now, also later today, and maybe tomorrow too". I guess that would be a little too long but i don't know. Just a thought really.
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