Thursday, February 24, 2005
welcome to Applebees.
i think the band is gonna learn about an hour of nothing but local commercials. we're gonna learn everything from the Cribbs Incorporated song (which is a pretty long one if you've ever heard the entire opus) on down to the very simple but moving "Oh, Oh, OH.. OLINDES!". who are the people who sing these songs? i mean, it's the same people. from "CARPET KINGDOM CAN!" to "HALPIN'S CARPET!". its the same little chorus of the same 10 people or so. if they can do it, hell... so can we. and people are gonna like it, dammit! hi. welcome to Applebees. table for 2? smoking or non? ok, follow me while i seat you as close as i possibly can to this other full-ass table even though every other table in here is empty... i don't like seating sections in restaurants. i know you have to fill up Jimmy's section, but is there anyway you can use a little tiny part of your brain and figure out that me and my guest would prefer NOT to sit 2 fucking inches away from this other damned table. i mean, the entire restaurant is empty for pete's sake. don't be dumb, now. one day and one day soon, i'm gonna sport a mohawk. the last time (and only time) i ever shaved my head, i of course shaved myself the customary mohawk before i shaved the rest off. i want another one. and i'm gonna get me one, bitches... i want to get a job at McDonalds for the sole reason of finding out how fast i can get fired. really. i already have a career so it's not like it would help my resume or anything. i want to get the uniforms and everything, go into work and curse someone out on a drive-thru speaker. that would be the coolest. i'd start off real subtle. "Welcome To McDonalds... (then i would say "shit" real softly, then) Can I help you?" i think i could just do that all day. eventually i'd build up to the point of just screaming "FUCK SHIT BITCH ASS!" as soon as they got up to the speaker. about 6 years ago, my buddy joey got a job at taco bell. the first day he got his uniforms, they told him he'd have to shave his goatee... so he took the uniform off right there in the restaurant and left. classic. ok. time to go tee tee. sam up out of the beeyatch.
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